It has been three months since that so called ‘auspicious’ day, exactly 3 months. Today is special for 2 reasons, she lost the last two of her baby teeth, and it is the day it began. Before going into the details of what ‘it’ is, let us see how she is doing. The new house is nothing like her house, it is different, she does not know how. There is she, her husband and his mother. His mother is a sweet yet silent lady, who rarely interferes in their lives. Apart from her, there are two cows, and enough work to keep her busy throughout the day. She has to walk about 4 kilometers every morning to get water. A tiring task, yet she enjoys it very much. She gets a good hour and a half away from her home. Time that she finds piece, it is her time of Zen. The harmony, the early morning dew, the trees, flowers, birds, everything fascinates her. She has never noticed any of these when she was back at her home, it seems as if the nature was different around her village, it was never this beautiful.
She has grown a lot since, an awful lot. She had no choice, so to speak. What did she know about marriages before? Apparently nothing! To say clueless, will be an understatement. She was unaware of majority of the responsibilities. Cooking, cleaning and washing, she was trained in, but that weird thing that he tries to do with her, how he forces himself upon her every night, she still is trying to figure out what that is. Obviously, her mother did not get a chance to explain it to her. In her mother’s defense, how was she supposed to know that her daughter was getting married at 12 (she would have reasonably figured that there would be ‘2 – 3 more years’) or how is she supposed to explain what sex is and how it works in less than 2 weeks to a 12-year-old? Well she has heard about it though, from some friends who are elder than her, but never into the details. She knew from their suggestions it was repulsive, never knew the complete magnitude. Anyway, she does not like that activity of his, a bit, but, when that takes place she always tries to remember the thing that her mother told her last. ‘Listen to him, do whatever he asks you to. Remember he is your life from now on, second only to God.’ She remembers that and let him do whatever he wants to do with her body. Too mature for a girl of her age, I know.
She still remembers the first time he did that. She thought he was trying to kill her, still she stayed quiet. What was she supposed to do anyway? There is no point in crying, screaming or running. She cannot out run him, she does not know who to run to and ask for help, and her parents are at least a couple of hours away by bus how long will it take her to reach there by foot! So she stayed on the bed, hoping that it will end soon. And it did, technically it hardly took 5 minutes, but she felt like she was under that sweating monster for an eternity. The pain, the sweat, the sting, the blood, the white gooey liquid, she cried throughout the night. He didn’t hear a thing though; she made sure he would not. In comparison to the night, she found all her day time chores as relaxing. She practically enjoyed her daytime and wished the sun would never set. But, soon she learned the trick. Dissociate herself from her body at night, and it is starting to work. She is no longer concerned about what he is doing with her body.
Now, coming back to the ‘it’ that I mentioned before. Today marks as the first time he took a shot at her. No, that didn’t cause her teeth to fall off, that was natural, but the fist did some reasonable damage. Physically, she had a black eye, not because he punched in her eyes but because he gave a good right hand smash on the back side of her head, also a swollen right wrist. What was her mistake, was it the pot that she dropped or was it the extra salt in the curry or was it something else, she is not very clear! Okay, whatever it is, she should never have made him angry and he had every right to discipline her, this is what she tried to believe. She was not convinced about this argument though, nonetheless she had to accept it. She made a mistake, and he disciplined her, it had to be that plain and simple. She had seen it happen once in a while back at her home, with her mother and father. Still it hurts, not just physically. Yes, it was physically gruesome, but there was more to it. A sort of soul hurt, she struggled and failed to recognize that feeling.
Again she cried to sleep. How would she cope with this? Like any children who have an abusive parent, she tried to please him more and more, hoping that one day he would stop and like any abusive parent, he never did. She better get used to it, right? It is the life she has to live for so many years. It is just the beginning of what is to follow.
(To Be Continued)
She has grown a lot since, an awful lot. She had no choice, so to speak. What did she know about marriages before? Apparently nothing! To say clueless, will be an understatement. She was unaware of majority of the responsibilities. Cooking, cleaning and washing, she was trained in, but that weird thing that he tries to do with her, how he forces himself upon her every night, she still is trying to figure out what that is. Obviously, her mother did not get a chance to explain it to her. In her mother’s defense, how was she supposed to know that her daughter was getting married at 12 (she would have reasonably figured that there would be ‘2 – 3 more years’) or how is she supposed to explain what sex is and how it works in less than 2 weeks to a 12-year-old? Well she has heard about it though, from some friends who are elder than her, but never into the details. She knew from their suggestions it was repulsive, never knew the complete magnitude. Anyway, she does not like that activity of his, a bit, but, when that takes place she always tries to remember the thing that her mother told her last. ‘Listen to him, do whatever he asks you to. Remember he is your life from now on, second only to God.’ She remembers that and let him do whatever he wants to do with her body. Too mature for a girl of her age, I know.
She still remembers the first time he did that. She thought he was trying to kill her, still she stayed quiet. What was she supposed to do anyway? There is no point in crying, screaming or running. She cannot out run him, she does not know who to run to and ask for help, and her parents are at least a couple of hours away by bus how long will it take her to reach there by foot! So she stayed on the bed, hoping that it will end soon. And it did, technically it hardly took 5 minutes, but she felt like she was under that sweating monster for an eternity. The pain, the sweat, the sting, the blood, the white gooey liquid, she cried throughout the night. He didn’t hear a thing though; she made sure he would not. In comparison to the night, she found all her day time chores as relaxing. She practically enjoyed her daytime and wished the sun would never set. But, soon she learned the trick. Dissociate herself from her body at night, and it is starting to work. She is no longer concerned about what he is doing with her body.
Now, coming back to the ‘it’ that I mentioned before. Today marks as the first time he took a shot at her. No, that didn’t cause her teeth to fall off, that was natural, but the fist did some reasonable damage. Physically, she had a black eye, not because he punched in her eyes but because he gave a good right hand smash on the back side of her head, also a swollen right wrist. What was her mistake, was it the pot that she dropped or was it the extra salt in the curry or was it something else, she is not very clear! Okay, whatever it is, she should never have made him angry and he had every right to discipline her, this is what she tried to believe. She was not convinced about this argument though, nonetheless she had to accept it. She made a mistake, and he disciplined her, it had to be that plain and simple. She had seen it happen once in a while back at her home, with her mother and father. Still it hurts, not just physically. Yes, it was physically gruesome, but there was more to it. A sort of soul hurt, she struggled and failed to recognize that feeling.
Again she cried to sleep. How would she cope with this? Like any children who have an abusive parent, she tried to please him more and more, hoping that one day he would stop and like any abusive parent, he never did. She better get used to it, right? It is the life she has to live for so many years. It is just the beginning of what is to follow.
(To Be Continued)
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